You can still become president.
But not this year. I’m talking about 2020, and I have it all figured out.
Here’s what you have to do:
Step One, quit the race Tuesday after losing Florida to Trump.
Step Two, regardless of who wins the nomination, do not accept the VP slot. You need to focus on winning re-election to the Senate. Trust me, it’s part of the plan.
Step Three, win re-election to the Senate.
Step Four, grow some killer facial hair.
Step Five, and this is the important part: devote every waking moment of the next four years to fighting President Hillary Clinton – publicly, loudly, relentlessly – on every last issue. Give no quarter. Take no prisoners. Make her shriek. Have America wondering if maybe you have lost it a little. Become that guy.
Step Six, run for president in 2020.
Step Seven, win.
I know, you are wondering where was I months ago. I was in the bathroom. And no, you don’t have to pay me a consulting fee. We’ll just call it a spiritual work of mercy.
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