CV NEWS FEED // After two failed relationships and countless life choices based on the idea that “women can do everything,” a 38-year-old woman has gone viral with both a video and an op ed about how now she feels “betrayed” by feminism.
Melissa Persling wrote in an essay published by Insider Magazine that as she approaches her 39th birthday, she is scared that she’ll be a “single, childless middle-aged woman.”
In her first marriage, Persling didn’t see herself being a typical wife and mother. In her 20s, she didn’t want children and wrote that she “grew resentful” when her husband asked her to cook dinner or do his laundry.
They divorced when Persling was 30, and she wrote that she thought she was happy.
“I told my friends and family I’d never get married again,” she wrote. “I needed independence, a fulfilling career, and space to chart my own course, and I didn’t think marriage fit into that vision. I was content to look toward a future without a husband, children, or the trappings of a ‘traditional’ life.”
Persling ended up in another relationship only months after divorcing, but her second relationship suddenly made her desire more than her autonomous lifestyle.
“I enjoyed cooking, cleaning, and caring for someone when it was my choice and when it wasn’t asked of me,” she wrote. “I felt restless, and I couldn’t ignore that what I wanted had changed.”
Persling found herself alone again at 36 years old—but this time, she didn’t want to be independent.
“I began to feel an incredible urgency to find the relationship and stability to see me through the second half of my life. To my amazement, I began seriously thinking about marriage and children — I hardly recognized myself,” she wrote.
“I understand the appeal of life without the constraints of marriage or children; for many years I was quite satisfied living that way. I know people can live happy, purpose-driven lives without those things,” she continued. “I just don’t believe I’m one of those people anymore. I know now that my purpose lies in having a husband and a family. I’m meant to care for more than myself.”
After her article was published, Persling released a video explaining that she felt “lied to.” She also added that several people commented on her article, saying that she was “selfish” and “missed out” on being a mother through her own actions.
“They’re not totally right—I don’t think I’m a horrible selfish person for not wanting to have children in my 20s and not wanting to have children during that marriage,” Persling said in the video. “But it did get me thinking and I did write an article about the downfall of living a selfish, me-focused life.”
“I feel unbelievably betrayed by feminism,” she continued. “I was constantly fed this idea that women can do everything… I grew up thinking ‘men are great—I can do all the same things’ but I really do feel in many ways betrayed by that line of thinking.”
Persling added that her autonomous mentality was fed to her by the women in her life as a child, mainly by her teachers and coaches.
“I want to go back to some of those teachers and coaches and say ‘what the hell did you mean by that’ because women can’t do it all. We can’t—it’s such a lie,” she said.
