1. When a Catholic says: “I’ll pray about it.”
She might mean, “I will bring this important decision before God.”
… But often, she means: “My answer is No, but I want you to blame God, not me.”
2. When a priest says in a homily: “Let me share a little about the parish from the pastor’s perspective.”
He means: “We need more money.”
3. When a spouse says, “Honey, I think we should go on a marriage retreat.”
She means: “I am either going to strangle you or return you to your mother unless grace intervenes.”
4. When a Catholic says: “We need to pray for Frank. Let me tell you why.”
He really means: “I have awesome gossip about Frank, so let’s pretend it’s okay to gossip.”
5. When a single Catholic says, “I am discerning a religious vocation.”
He or she often means: “I have discerned that my vocation is not going to involve dating you.”
6. When a Catholic says, “Remember, it’s a sin to waste food.”
He means: “If you’re not going to eat that, can I?”
7. In youth ministry circles, when a Catholic says, “Be in the world, but not of it …”
She means “Be fashionable, but not immodest.”
8. When a Catholic says, “And also with you!”
She means, “I haven’t been to Mass for so long, I didn’t know they changed the words.”
Or
“Change takes a looong time for me.”
9. In a parish classroom setting, when a young Catholic says, “Jesus? I mean … God?”
He means: “I haven’t been following what you are saying and I think pious words are interchangeable.”
10. When a Catholic says, “I was thinking of you during Mass yesterday.”
She probably means: “Yesterday’s liturgy led me to reach out.”
But she might mean: “The priest’s message was so convicting yesterday, I decided to apply it to you instead of to me.”
(Special thanks to Dr. Edward Mulholland who also wanted to add: “When a Catholic says, ‘I’m worried about Pope Francis,” he really means “I haven’t been reading The Gregorian.”)