Twas the night before Christmas, and on the North Pole
Washington’s finest had gathered, with one worthy goal:
To come together in peace, to put politics aside,
And see Santa Claus off on his annual ride.
It was a pure noble thought — they meant right well.
But they being they, it soon went to hell.
Buttigieg asked Santa, “Where do want us?”
“I brought Beto and Booker, and here’s Pocahontas.”
Santa said, “Great! Here’s the sleigh that I’ll ride in.”
“Fill ‘er up – but don’t wake up Sleepy Joe Biden!”
“Look, Fat,” said Joe, “I can help too.”
“And I bet I can do more push-ups than you.”
Joe was a bit testy, despite the reunion.
At Christmas Eve Mass he’d been told, “No Communion.”
Pelosi was there. McConnell was too.
“No snow,” he observed, “That won’t do.”
And soon it was falling – white, thick, and rich.
“It’s snowing!” said Nancy. “Not exactly,” grinned Mitch.
But just as the tension had started to loose,
A reindeer was found in his stall, in a noose.
Santa leaned sadly against an old pine.
“I just don’t understand, he seemed totally fine.”
“My gosh,” thought Hillary. “What a silly old elf.”
“He honestly thinks Blitzen did kill himself.”
First Donder and Prancer (you remember that scandal)
Now this tragic turn – it was too much to handle.
“No more reindeer!” said Santa. “That’s the end of the line!”
“I need eight new flyers. No – let’s make it nine!”
“On Roberts! On Thomas! Alito and Breyer!”
“On Brett, Kagan, Gorsuch! On Soto-mayor!”
“And good old Notorious!” the Dems sang out proudly.
“One last time,” agreed Santa, “…but then this sleigh lives loudly.”
Uncle Bernie was there, all cranky and miffed,
As they packed and arranged each little gift.
“What’s this?” he shouted, “Everything’s free?”
“And all from Santa? It should be from me!”
“It’s not all from Santa!” boomed a loud voice.
“I give the best loot – the best! Take your choice!”
Trump had brought presents. He spared no expense.
And he handed a big lumpy package to Pence.
“Ice skates!” said Mike, “That will be nice!”
“No way!” shrieked the Squad. “We’re abolishing ice!”
But despite all the quarrels, the squabbles, the snappin’
They all sensed that something was starting to happen.
Maybe ‘cause Christmas was so close at hand,
One by one, they felt closer to their fellow-man.
As they worked side by side for the guy with the beard
The spite and the anger, it just…disappeared.
The sleigh was all packed, Santa all set to start,
And he looked at them all, final words to impart.
“Stop being trolls! Be elves of good cheer!”
“And never forget the reason we’re here.”
“From Heaven, a Baby, for us has come down.
To an unlikely girl, in an unlikely town.”
“He didn’t come to keep score of losers and winners;
“He came for us all, for we’re all of us sinners.”
“And now Mister Chief Justice, may it please the Court!”
And up went Their Honors with a tug and a snort.
As they rose from the ground, and lifted away,
Santa turned ’round, one last thing to say:
“That Baby,” he called, “As you’ve begun to suspect,”
“Often shows up in places we least expect.”
For as he flew out of sight, they heard his voice ring:
“Merry Christmas to all, for JESUS. IS. KING!”